There is a list of, the list of the things that I always wanted to start doing and Blogging was just one of them. I dont know what holds me back all the time.. but there is something which surely does and that something I feel, is me, most of the times!
Well...I dont want to accept that its me who holds me back all the time from what I want to do! Ego problem you know !
But deep down inside.. I know its just me... !
Have you ever felt that there are two people inside you... One who asks the questions and one who answers those questions.. and the one who asks the questions will also give you the answer as soon as the other part of you gives the answer.. and that answer usually is contradictory or a work around to the answer given by the other part of you!
Externally you will be having just another normal day behaving as normally as you have been doing since you remember .. But ... inside.. you will be feeling the pressure of the debate becoming a fight within yourself...
all most all the times .... the source of fight will be different but the basic reason will be same...
You know you want to do something... but for that you got to break your comfort zone! There are 100 reasons why you should do it and usually 101 reason for why you cant do it or why you think you cant do it.
In my case, most of the times, even before the fight could reach any conclusion ... my subconscious thoughts which usually run in the back of my mind with out my notice ..will just kill the fight!
I found there are two reason behind why does this happen.
1> I have difficulty in sticking to one particular thought for a long.
2> I know if I let the fight go on , there will be a result, and I feel like accepting the result or the so called solution to my question, If I accept then I should execute and to execute I got to break my comfort zone.. and I always fuckin hate breaking the comfort zone!
Any "Normal" human being, for that matter, would not want to get outta comfort zone and its only the "Abnormal" human beings who can do something stupid like that.
Let me forget at this moment that the "Abnormal" human beings will usually make more name , fame , money , progress in life because of those stupid things they do... cos that would make me push myself to break my comfort zone ! Not again!
Ahh.. I just keyed down all these words without filtering and I fucking heard my own thoughts and I am already feeling the uneasiness because I know I am doing a fucking mistake of not letting the fight to happen or to think that my life; what I mean when i say life is just the kind of thoughts, and the number of thoughts which are running in the back and front of my mind making my mind to release some kind of chemical which makes me feel good, bad, sometime the unknown and sometimes the feel of "Nothing" and the time I try to get my thoughts under my control which has resulted in some success stories and the failures and the time I try to hang on to the same feel when I was the winner and the time I try to get out of the feel when I loose against myself while I try to cope with the changes happening externally, behaving sane trying to meet others expectations; has been so stupidly busy!
Is this some kind of mental illness, where you know both the questions and the answers, and you still keep throwing those questions at yourself and yourself giving the best convincing answer that you could ever get on this planet and still wont be accepting your own answer and behave as if nothing has happened just to convince yourself that you are SANE!!!!!!
Na... I think it is not !
If it is, then we might have to convince ourselves that the world is a open mental hospital !
And if that is true .. then every human being is having a same starting problem which I have!
